


With Friends Like These ...

by Devilc



Category: DCU, DCU - Comicverse
Genre: Humor, Kink, M/M, crack!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-07
Updated: 2010-03-07
Packaged: 2017-10-07 19:14:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/68294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Devilc/pseuds/Devilc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Crack, crack, and more crack</p>
            </blockquote>





	With Friends Like These ...

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Petronelle](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Petronelle).



> Once upon a time Petronelle wrote a hilarious story called [The Talk](http://petronelle.livejournal.com/107455.html). And then she wrote an equally funny (and even kinkier) sequel called [A Helping Hand ](http://petronelle.livejournal.com/150096.html).
> 
> And as people were heaping richly deserved praises on her, in response to one of the comments she said, "Clark's mating urge and its consequences were things I left vague entirely on purpose, really. It's not something he was lying about, and if you really want to know how he found out Kryptonians experience male pregnancy, I suggest gently that you write it yourself. Or watch Smallville. I have theories, but I don't really want to explore them."
> 
> Well, I'm taking that as a "if you got an idea, have fun" (although that's not the kind of story this is), and I certainly don't need to be asked twice, not when the plot bunnies started humping my leg after I finished re-reading it again last night and told me all about another way that story could have ended. Because what if .... ;)
> 
> (BTW, this is for Petronelle, and if it's one tenth as funny as the source material, I'll consider myself lucky.)

So, he didn't take Superman's advice and talk to Cassie, because ...

... _because fucking no way in hell_, okay? Not yet. Not until he gets his brain wrapped a little better around the facts of what Bart called "Kryptonian pon farr." And that's probably going to be No-never 21st.

Kon swears he can feel those damn moons lining up as he flies to that cave in the ass end (and yep, he's definitely got ass on his mind) of nowhere Idado, and tries (and fails miserably) to sound calm and collected as he says, "Clark --"

Clark is there. Just like that.

In jeans and a t-shirt.

With grape lube and a dull red glow behind his eyes, which makes them look sort of purpley.

And, although Clark is trying to look nice and understanding and adult, Kon can totally tell that he's just as horny and miserable as Kon is.

Kon would gloat about that, but that's when the moons line up and Kon's literally crying and shaking, because he ~~wants~~ needs it so bad, and Clark's eyes start flat out glowing red, as, without a word, he's got Kon's jeans around his ankles and three glorious grapey fingers up Kon's ass, and now four, and now his whole hand, doing what needs to be done, and Clark's kind of nipping and licking and grinding himself up against Kon, and Kon can tell that he's dying as he does it, but for all that it's _yeerrgh! gross_ Kon totally understands how Clark feels.

Kon has to laugh a bit, about that because it's so Superman to take care of another person instead of putting his needs first.

Meanwhile,Clark's moving his hand so hard and so fast that Kon's amazed that TTK or no, he's not going to have a friction burn and the other parts of his brain are telling him to STFU, because he needs this right now, and this is going to be the best orgasm ever and they don't need coherent thought mucking up the mind blowing bliss process, alright?

He comes so hard his knees buckle and the world greys out around the edges.

Kon's barely had a moment to collect himself before Clark whips his hand out and starts unbuckling and unzipping, blushing as red as it gets, and Kon's squirting the grape lube on his fingers when Clark hands him something and is so embarrassed by it that he can barely choke out a "Please."

A condom.

Kon's dick immediately springs back to life at the thought (thank you pon farr and puberty) but his mouth mumbles, "Uh ... are you --"

"Please, Kon!" Desperate.

Well, he's already cheating on Cassie. Dick, hand, what's the difference? And it's kind of cool that Clark thinks he's big enough to satisfy. Or maybe Clark just wants a warm up before the hand, and this is totally thinking too much.

And, this way Kon also gets to come.

Again.

That's all the thought about the matter Kon needs in order to rip that little sucker out of the wrapper, roll it down, squirt the gook on, give Clark two fingers to get things started and then dive on in.

And that pathetic needy little moan that he hates so much that he gives when ever Clark's helping him? Well, this time, it's a duet.

Clark comes with a groan that shakes a few rocks down from the ceiling and he actually loses control of his heat vision, because there's two little pools of molten rock on the floor about two feet in front of him. Kon comes about 10 seconds later (and doesn't lose control of his heat vision) and just wants to lay there on top of Clark's back and feel blissed out forever.

He doesn't move until he feels himself start to go soft. With a sigh, he finally pulls out.

"Oh _shit_!"

Clark whips around lightning fast and his face falls as he spies the little dribby flap of latex hanging off the base of Kon's dick.

"Um ..." Clark bites his lip nervously as he yanks his pants up and buckles and zips. "I - we need to go to the Fortress --"

"Clark --"

"-- maybe there's some sort of morning after pill the AI can --"

"_Clark_ \--"

"-- because, oh God, how would we ever explain this to --"

"_CLARK_!"

"What?!"

"_You're glowing_."

~oo(0)oo~

[Two hours later: Fortress of Solitude]

 

Kon gave a disgusted sigh, "I don't know why you thought a condom was going to work."

"Because they've never broken when Batman and I --"

"You what?! With _him_?!"

Groan. "Forget I said anything."

"Too late. I need to Clorox my brain now."


End file.
